Music humor. Memes or jokes wanted. GOOD ONES!

Memes of mimes.

80's Classic

Q - What's the definition of Perfect Pitch?

A - Throwing a viola into a skip (or dumpster if you're North American)...

I hate it when my bandmembers tell me to play more softly.

I play drums, not piano.

EDIT: Oh, sorry. You wanted good jokes.

True...

Some (very) old Q&A type ones:

Q. How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?

A. Shoot One.


Q. What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

A. You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.


Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?

A. Someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.



And a story:

A double bass player called Jim passes away and his wife Alice phones up the paper to post an announcement. She's a lady of few words, and so asks if the notice can just read "Jim's dead". The person at the newspaper points out that there's a minimum of six words so she may as well use them up. Alice thinks for a minute and goes for:

"Jim's dead, Volvo estate for sale"

A cop was traveling down the highway when he noticed a disabled vehicle and stopped to help.

"I must have hit a patch of nails in the road!", exclaimed the distraught driver. "They punctured all of my tires! I don't know what to do! Can you help me, officer? Please... help me!!!"

The cop asked, "So, what polka band do you play in?"

With a look of disbelief on his face, the astonished driver replied, "How on earth did you know I play in a polka band?"

"It's pretty obvious, "said the cop, "by the way you're panicking over four flats."

I forgot I made my own jokes. But they are all in french.

Robo Rivard said:

I forgot I made my own jokes. But they are all in french.

Click to expand...

OT but you are VERY talented!!!

All music is ambient if you are far enough away from it!

The Retroblueman said:

Q. How do you get two piccolo players to play in tune?

A. Shoot One.

Click to expand...

I don’t get it. If one’s dead then how does that help them play in tune? One won’t be doing a whole lot of anything and the other will be so terrified they’ll likely be hiding under the mixing desk hugging their knees. Plus you’ll have bigger problems than poor intonation — you’ll either get life in prison or you’ll be on the run for the rest of your days. Maybe it’d be better to just hire better players?

Zedcars said:

I don’t get it. If one’s dead then how does that help them play in tune? One won’t be doing a whole lot of anything and the other will be so terrified they’ll likely be hiding under the mixing desk hugging their knees. Plus you’ll have bigger problems than poor intonation — you’ll either get life in prison or you’ll be on the run for the rest of your days. Maybe it’d be better to just hire better players?

Click to expand...

Well, yes, but there's be one less piccolo player in the world, so not a total downer. (I am a piccolo player before you get cross!). Actually I think the serious point there is that it's very hard for even one piccolo player to play in tune with a band - and impossible to get them in tune with each other (certainly not in unison) and, in any event, as a matter of orchestration, a piccolo playing at the top octave of its range is one of the loudest sounds known to man and there is absolutely no reason to double the part.

I used to wonder if the tuning thing has anything to do with the fact that at that range there are potentially 100's of Hz difference between even semitones.

How to get a guitar player to turn down the volume?


Put a chart in front of him.

Definition of a minor second:

Two student violinists playing in unison.

raiding my blog for memes....